Tales of Pain and Loss

This lazy [hung over] Sunday morning I found myself glancing over one of my cherished books from childhood, The Classic Volland Edition of Mother Goose. If anything it’s the illustrations I recall vividly and perhaps one or two of the rhymes. Upon revisiting these classic poems I’ve come across several shockingly violent tales with dark sexual under pinnings and a whole slew of depraved miserable characters. Now I know most of us have an inkling to the brutality of our most cherished rhymes but it’s the lesser known tales that have given me pause in their eccentricity. Considering the anesthetized modern day baby culture this book would likely be given the 12 and up recommendation. Following are some of the more eyebrow raising ditties...

Lady-Bird Lady-Bird,
Fly away home,
Your house is on fire,
Your children will burn.

Conclusion: Fuck that’s depressing!

I like little pussy, her coat is so warm,
And if I don’t hurt her she’ll do me no harm;
So I’ll not pull her tail, nor drive her away,
But Pussy and I very gently will play

Conclusion: I think this one’s pretty self-evident.

One misty, moisty morning,
When cloudy was the weather,
I chanced to meet an old man all clothed in leather.
He began to compliment, and I began to grin
How do you do, and how do you do?
And how do you do again?

Conclusion: Rough trade cruising on an overcast day.


Little Polly Flinders
Sat among the cinders
Warming her pretty little toes
Her mother came and caught her
Whipped her little daughter
For spoiling her new clothes

Conclusion: A rhyme that doesn’t shy away from the harsh realities of child abuse. Bravo!

There was an old woman, and what do you think?
She lived upon nothing but vituals and drink
Victuals and drink were the chief of her diet
And yet this woman could never be quiet

Conclusion: Cute ditty on an obnoxious drug addled granny.


Hickety, Pickety, my black hen,
She lays eggs for gentlemen;
Gentlemen come every day
To see what my black hen doth lay

Conclusion: Her black hen brings all the boys to the yard

Little Tommy Tittlemouse
Lived in a little house;
He caught fishes
In other men’s ditches

Conclusion: I can’t figure this one out but it feels raunchy.

Little Tom Tucker
Sings for his supper
What shall he eat?
White bread and butter.
How will he cut it
Without e’er a knife?
How will he marry
Without e’er a wife?

Conclusion: Tom Tucker is gay

Handy Spandy, Jacky Dandy,
Loves plum cake and sugar candy.
He bought some at a grocer’s shop,
And pleased away went hop, hop, hop

Conclusion: Jacky Dandy is really gay.



Bat, bat.
Come under my hat
And I’ll give you a slice of bacon
And when I bake
I’ll give you a cake
If I am not mistaken

Conclusion: Even the mentally disabled were given a voice. Who the fuck wants to capture a bat? And coaxing it with bacon and cake? That would work on me but not a bat, they eat bugs silly!

There was a man in our town
And he was wonderous wise
He jumped into a bramble bush
And scratched out both his eyes
And when he saw his eyes were out
With all his might and main
He jumped into another bush
And scratched them in again

Conclusion: Morally irresponsible tale on the self-destructive nature of humans, especially those possessing a higher intelligence.

There was a little boy went into a barn
And lay down on some hay
A calf came out and smelled about
And the little boy ran away

Conclusion: Riveting!