Goat Madness!

I'm pretty sure this is my inner spirit animal

Goat Witchiness

Warning, the next video is extremely unsettling. Stick with it to the spooky, spine tingling end

First Blockbuster of the Summer

comes out quite early this year, today, and its not even available in theatres. I'm talking about Grand Theft Auto 4 of course which is expected to pull in 400 million dollars this week alone. Pretty eyebrow raising, you know what else is? The marketing campagin being used. The following video is a trailer put out by the company Rockstar itself highlighting the more salacious [misogynistic] aspects of the game.

All I could think of is, ummmmm where's Yoshi? Needless to say gaming has come a long way from the days of Mario and Sonic. Now to be fair to the game, it is not a goal or objective that you have to say go to strip clubs, hire hookers and then kill them, but it is a possibility as a player. What makes it trashy is that they market these aspects in hopes to drive up sales [it will]

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Road Trip!

I'm going a little crazy with the technology on my new phone. Thanks to its video/photo capacities the trip is being well documented. These little snipits take place in the middle of bumblefuck nowhere

the next one is us rocking out to Nirvana like the 13 year old girls we are, smells like Excremento!

Vintage Movie Trailers

This kind of makes me understand why Michelle Obama always looks like she wants to stab someone. Denzel's first film role! Aside from the mildly racist idea that finding out you have a black son [who is nothing but genial well dressed and spoken] is both horrific and hilarious, the jaw dropping moment for me is when Denzel declares, " Teach me how to fly a kite, I'll teach you how to pick a lock!"


This is everything The Brave One SHOULD have been.... that shit was more tired and overwroght than a pitchfork.com music review

Apparently this movie inspired the Smells Like Teen Spirit music video and was a favorite movie of Kurt Cobain. Its based on real life events that took place in Foster City, a former garbage dump that became one of the first planned cities and home to a good friend of mine. [hi Shyla, hi!]

Is Anyone Else Worried about November?

Tre Magnific!

So Les Chansons D'Amour finally made it to LA. I've been hearing about it for the past year thanks to my ex pat friend Arnold, who I've been writing about a lot lately. [April 18th!] Playing in one theatre ALL the way over in Beverly Hills I drove. After arriving and seating myself amongst an almost empty theatre dotted with the occasional gray haired patron [story of my movie going existence] I eagerly awaited. It is a delight. I get sad because I love to watch modern French films and have no one to revel in that joy with. In all honesty its for enjoyment purposes. They speak to me. I'm not particularly deep and have given up on trying to gain cultural cache by telling everyone about them because no one cares. I quietly consume these dessert confections. More often than not they're a heavy full course meal but still, its as if the experience isn't complete or real until you tell someone. So I'm telling you cyberspace! If you are a fan of The Umbrellas of Cherbourg as I am, you should by all means go. Its not perfect but how it makes me long to live in Paris and cavort with literate, articulate, complex, beautiful creatures like Louis Garrell. OMG, he is so dreamy in the film. Here's the trailer.

Tales of Pain and Loss

This lazy [hung over] Sunday morning I found myself glancing over one of my cherished books from childhood, The Classic Volland Edition of Mother Goose. If anything it’s the illustrations I recall vividly and perhaps one or two of the rhymes. Upon revisiting these classic poems I’ve come across several shockingly violent tales with dark sexual under pinnings and a whole slew of depraved miserable characters. Now I know most of us have an inkling to the brutality of our most cherished rhymes but it’s the lesser known tales that have given me pause in their eccentricity. Considering the anesthetized modern day baby culture this book would likely be given the 12 and up recommendation. Following are some of the more eyebrow raising ditties...

Lady-Bird Lady-Bird,
Fly away home,
Your house is on fire,
Your children will burn.

Conclusion: Fuck that’s depressing!

I like little pussy, her coat is so warm,
And if I don’t hurt her she’ll do me no harm;
So I’ll not pull her tail, nor drive her away,
But Pussy and I very gently will play

Conclusion: I think this one’s pretty self-evident.

One misty, moisty morning,
When cloudy was the weather,
I chanced to meet an old man all clothed in leather.
He began to compliment, and I began to grin
How do you do, and how do you do?
And how do you do again?

Conclusion: Rough trade cruising on an overcast day.


Little Polly Flinders
Sat among the cinders
Warming her pretty little toes
Her mother came and caught her
Whipped her little daughter
For spoiling her new clothes

Conclusion: A rhyme that doesn’t shy away from the harsh realities of child abuse. Bravo!

There was an old woman, and what do you think?
She lived upon nothing but vituals and drink
Victuals and drink were the chief of her diet
And yet this woman could never be quiet

Conclusion: Cute ditty on an obnoxious drug addled granny.


Hickety, Pickety, my black hen,
She lays eggs for gentlemen;
Gentlemen come every day
To see what my black hen doth lay

Conclusion: Her black hen brings all the boys to the yard

Little Tommy Tittlemouse
Lived in a little house;
He caught fishes
In other men’s ditches

Conclusion: I can’t figure this one out but it feels raunchy.

Little Tom Tucker
Sings for his supper
What shall he eat?
White bread and butter.
How will he cut it
Without e’er a knife?
How will he marry
Without e’er a wife?

Conclusion: Tom Tucker is gay

Handy Spandy, Jacky Dandy,
Loves plum cake and sugar candy.
He bought some at a grocer’s shop,
And pleased away went hop, hop, hop

Conclusion: Jacky Dandy is really gay.



Bat, bat.
Come under my hat
And I’ll give you a slice of bacon
And when I bake
I’ll give you a cake
If I am not mistaken

Conclusion: Even the mentally disabled were given a voice. Who the fuck wants to capture a bat? And coaxing it with bacon and cake? That would work on me but not a bat, they eat bugs silly!

There was a man in our town
And he was wonderous wise
He jumped into a bramble bush
And scratched out both his eyes
And when he saw his eyes were out
With all his might and main
He jumped into another bush
And scratched them in again

Conclusion: Morally irresponsible tale on the self-destructive nature of humans, especially those possessing a higher intelligence.

There was a little boy went into a barn
And lay down on some hay
A calf came out and smelled about
And the little boy ran away

Conclusion: Riveting!

Yay

One of my very dear and best friends, Arnold is coming to pay a visit from France! Seeing how he is perhaps the only one who reads this I thought I'd post a video he would enjoy. Showcasing the bizarreness of early 90's euro dance music, its everyone's favorite French toddler Jordy singing Dur dur d'être bébé