And So The Lion Fell in Love With The Lamb

I haven't posted in a while and one would think that say attending the protest ralley would move me to blog but no. That is NOT the kind of person I am and this is NOT that kind of blog. I come to proclaim the through mediocraty and ineptness of Twilight. To be fair, it does have its flashes of charm, which are my favorite types of film! Its like rummaging through the sales bin at a thrift store for far too long; your nose stuffed up from all the dust, slightly hungry and tired, and starting to question why you are there at all when suddenly you find a beautiful timeless cardigan or T Shirt that say I'm Glad My Mommy Didn't Have An Abortion. Suddenly the trip has been redeemed, its all been worth it.

For me that moment is the infamous vampire sparkle sequence, or should I say SEQUINce. After Bella discovers Edward is a vampire largely through her google search skills, he decides he wants to show her the REAL Edward... in the sunlight! So on his back she goes and he takes off at rapid speeds in some seriously low budget effects and editing to some mountainish top where the clouds have parted. For you see, in the world of Twilight, vampires do not perish at the sight of sunlight but sparkle brilliantly like diamonds. Somehow Edward's shirt comes completely unbuttoned when he steps into the light, revealing his true vampire glory, chest hair and all, looking like a cross of James Dean and Ziggy Stardust, glittering wildly as Bella declares his beauty and we the audience can't help but agree.

I wish the movie had more moments like that. A big problem is the vampire clan itself. They're really boring and seriel monogamists. Each one is paired off. For fun they like to play baseball during thunderstorms [zzzzzzzzzzzzzz] The villianous vampires are natually more intersting and a lot of fun but don't get nearly enough screen time. They're also a more progressive and unconventional lot traveling in a group of three with a West Indian Rasafarian vamp as the unofficial leader.

I'd like to focus now on Robert Pattinson's performance as the byronic Edward Cullins. I kept wanting this

[David Bowie as Thomas Jerome Newtom from The Man Who Fell To Earth]
as opposed to

[Toby Stephens as Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre]
His performance here is a miss, a somewhat amiable one which is a shame because he showed such promise as the tragic Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter And The Goblet of Fire where I had perhaps an inappropriate thought or two when he came onscreen.

The only other supremely homo moment that sticks out in my mind is when they do a brief sepia toned flashback to the making of Edward as a vampire which involves some queer and unexplained character psychology of the benevelont Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He is a doctor who already a vampire can't control his urges around Edward and it is only after making beautiful lithe Eddie an eternal creature of the night that he decides to turn his wife into one as well.